Happy New Year! 2021 is Going to Be GREAT!


Compared to the year of 2020, 2021 has an excellent chance to be a great year! It would be very difficult to be worse – although anything can happen when talking about health and governments. I hope that we can […]

Compared to the year of 2020, 2021 has an excellent chance to be a great year! It would be very difficult to be worse – although anything can happen when talking about health and governments.

I hope that we can get a good handle on the Covid-19 virus with all the great vaccines that are coming out. Not sure how much all the shutdowns and lockdowns are helping – but I guess that could not hurt the pandemic – just the people suffering from it.

Besides the global pandemic, I am really hoping that we get the US Presidential election in order as well. Too much cheating, too much censorship, too many ‘peaceful’ protests and too much fundraising for the Dems through BLM. It seems rather obvious, but I guess in reality, it could just be that I am a Trump supporter.

I just don’t see how an old senile guy who didn’t campaign could be more votes that Barrack Obama or Slick Willie Clinton. Do YOU think that it is possible? Really? Do you think it is likely? Neither do I.

At any rate, 2021 is going to be a year of personal change for me. I’ve allowed myself to get trapped into a dead end and I need a serious change. A bunch of years ago, I started a different blog called – when I was active over there, it was very active and I had a bunch of community contributors who would add their own blog posts on a regular basis. Of course, some were more regular than others.

I was growing weed at that time in my garage for a couple of friends and another with MS. It was actually A LOT of fun – and work. The way that I did it, wasn’t really worth it, but I did enjoy it. And I smoked too much pot. Much too much. It was robbing me of my energy and a lot of time. I decided to write about it – and share my story with millions of strangers (potentially). I know that it helped me – and I think that I helped some others too! I am actually still connected with a few of them. I have a pretty decent online friend in Australia who now has two kids that she might not have had if she didn’t stop smoking pot.

Well, I haven’t completely quit using cannabis – but I did for a long time – several years. Now I’m far from a every day user – or multiple time a day user like I once was. I still occasionally buy cannabis edibles to eat when I need help with sleep – and I’ll go through streaks of sometimes smoking a couple of hits a couple times a week. But more often than not, I am not much of a cannabis consumer.

Back when I was growing pot in Washington state, I also had a major crack addiction. Horrible. I couldn’t tell anyone – not even my family or best friends. Eventually I had to tell my wife – which did not go over real well. I guess I went through that for around 20 years or so. Wasted money, wasted time, opportunities and friendships lost and selfishness constantly displayed. I’ve never pinpointed exactly how I allowed myself to fall into that trap – I just chalk it up to bad decisions.

Thankfully due to the grace of God and now my soon to be ex-wife, I was able to escape the gripe of crack cocaine. Mainly because when we moved back to California, I didn’t have a connection – and didn’t want to hassle with buying it on the street. But I sure used to. Back then, I would do almost anything except steal or sell myself for a hit of crack. Extremely addictive. I fully recommend that you do no do crack – or any drugs for that matter.

When we got back to San Diego, I did try to look up my old dealers. Lucky the rock dealers were not reachable – probably dead or in jail. I did have a friend who used to sell powdered cocaine who had ‘lowered’ himself to selling meth – aka crystal meth amphetamine. Meth, also known as ice, is super evil drug, pure poison and can make you do some really weird shit.

Stay away from meth. PLEASE. Do not touch it – or associate with anyone who uses it. We’re all a bunch of fucking losers. Sad, but true.

My use of meth has caused an untold amount of pain and sorrow. I’m in the process of losing my wife and best friend – the best ‘thing’ I ever ‘had’ – just because I have been unable to not buy and use this evil drug. So far.

I’ve known for some time that I am going to need to move away from paradise to cease my meth habit once and for all. I haven’t been able to figure out how to during this freaking pandemic, but have been politely (and less than politely) invited to by people here at my apartment complex two blocks from the ocean. It’s a miracle that I haven’t been arrested and thrown in jail – yet. I know I’m heading that way if I don’t stop – but yet I keep doing it. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

The good news is that I know that I need to leave town and I’m almost recovered from all my many surgeries during 2020, so that I will do it. I have a good feeling that I will living out of California before the end of January – perhaps maybe soon.The bad news is that the meth has taken a toll on my body and mind. I think I will be able to overcome it, but why would anyone in their right mind put themselves in this situation? I think that “right mind” is the operative phrase here.

At the risk of rambling incoherently all day and then not having anything to write in the future, I think I will wrap up this post.

I know I need help and right now I think the best help I could get is a job outside of California. I’ve been looking in Salt Lake City, Scottsdale / Phoenix and still in Las Vegas – even though my wife has told me she wants nothing to do with me and I have kind of come to the hard decision that it is best for her to have nothing to do with me. I’ll do almost anything – I’m really not proud. I have a decent background in bookkeeping, accounting, real estate, sales and publishing. My most recent “real” job was Publishing a business newspaper that I started in Washington state. I’ve been thinking that I may need to go back to wearing suits – but I HATE suits! But I’ll do anything.

I still some how hold onto some small sliver of hope that I can get my act together and get her back in my life in some kind of Cinderella story …

Meth makes you delusional. Don’t do meth.

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